First off, I book myself in for one of the her latest obsessions, an apple stem-cell facial. While the 42-year-old mother of two visits a facialist in LA, I stay a little more local, booking in with London-based therapist to the stars Malvina Fraser, whose clients include Sienna Miller and Yasmin le Bon.
According to Goop an endangered breed of Swiss apple is the anti-ageing elixir we’ve been hunting since the dawn of time. Or since HDTV and the selfie first came to pass.
Lying face-up, Malvina cleanses and exfoliates my face, before smothering it with the stem-cell serum. I smell faintly of Pink Lady apples.
She then blasts my cheeks with a radio frequency machine and infrared. Minute by minute, she turns up the heat to a fairly scalding 42C.
“Not everyone’s skin can take so much intensity,” Malvina nods approvingly. “You have a very resilient face, and I’ve got you to the maximum setting now. I am very impressed.
“The infrared helps activate the serum, allowing it to penetrate the skin and in a few days time you’ll really start to see a difference.”
At £250 a pop, I would hope so too. Packing me off, skin glowing, 90 minutes later (armed with a goodie bag of her own luxuriant products) I’ begin to think I could get seriously used to this Hollywood way of life.